Some people make things happen. Some people watch things happen. And then there are those who wonder, 'What the hell just happened? - Carroll Bryant
Know who you are, and be it. Know what you want, and go out and get it! - Carroll Bryant
Don't bite off more than you can chew because nobody looks attractive spitting it back out. - Carroll Bryant
When people say they hate life, to what are they comparing it to? The alternative isn't any more appealing. - Carroll Bryant
I strive for perfection - I settle for satisfaction - Carroll Bryant
If only yesterday could be my tomorrow then today wouldn't even matter. - Carroll Bryant
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional. - Carroll Bryant
When it comes to being famous, you’re usually the last to know, and the first to deny it. Unless you were already famous in your head. In which case, party on, Wayne! Party on, Garth! - Carroll Bryant
How am I going to explain to my kids one day that I can't buy them a happy meal because the toy will make them fat? - Carroll Bryant
I don't like to give up on people when they need someone not to give up on them. - Carroll Bryant
Knowledge may be power, but half of what I know I wish I could forget. - Carroll Bryant
The thing I want to write most is the next thing I write. - Carroll Bryant
I'm not a type-O ... Don't delete me. - Carroll Bryant
Today I feel like I did tomorrow. - Carroll Bryant
Love should feel like a hand sewn quilt made by grandma, wrapping you up on a cold winter morning. - Carroll Bryant
You are the only one who can. - Carroll Bryant
Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick. - Carroll Bryant
One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up. - Carroll Bryant
A sin is nothing more than regret. Not for doing it once, but doing it again when you know you’re going to regret it. - Carroll Bryant
Often times, "shame" is the word that best describes reality. - Carroll Bryant
The last word of love is ... goodbye. - Carroll Bryant
You can spend your life judging people or, you can spend it making friends. Take your pick. - Carroll Bryant
He who laughs last ... just didn't get the joke. - Carroll Bryant
Smoking will probably kill me, but so will natural selection. - Carroll Bryant
The moment you stop trying to become a better person, is the moment you start to become worse than what you already are. - Carroll Bryant
Believe in the wonderment of life, the magic of love, and the reality of death. - Carroll Bryant
If I had wanted children of my own, I would have gotten married. If I had wanted to get married, I would have fallen in love. If I had wanted to fall in love, I would have met the right girl. If I had wanted to meet the right girl, I would have drank a whole lot less. - Carroll Bryant
I feel like I am either on the cusp of something great, or standing on the edge of my abyss, discovering something brand new, or uncovering somebody elses lost imagination. - Carroll Bryant
There is no need to masturbate your brain, just to ejaculate your thoughts all over the place - Carroll Bryant
Nothing is as it seems, but something is everything it is made out to be. - Carroll Bryant
If you want to dance the dance then you better learn the steps, the world has enough pretenders. If you want to practice sex then you better find a partner, and to love you must surrender. - Carroll Bryant
The only thing standing between you and your dreams is ... reluctance. - Carroll Bryant
I never fail. It's just that the people around me succeed more than I. - Carroll Bryant
Cool people are only cool for the first thirty minutes of knowing them. After that, they just become annoying. - Carroll Bryant
All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it. - Carroll Bryant
What goes up must come down. Which is why we invented Viagra, to make it stay up a little longer. - Carroll Bryant
No matter how many plans you make or how much in control you are, life is always winging it. - Carroll Bryant
Luck is the bastard child of Fate and Destiny. - Carroll Bryant
I saw America's economy last night, people raiding dumpsters at a higher rate than normal in my home town. Digging through garbage shouldn't be a career. Thanks Democrats. Thanks Republicans. - Carroll Bryant
To which hand do I choose to strike with when both hands are guided by the same heart? - Carroll Bryant
Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly. - Carroll Bryant